RIYADH – Married couples are in a dilemma when faced with a situation where dignity confronts love. There are those who believe that dignity must win in the end, as it is a “red line” that must not be crossed, according to a report in Al-Riyadh newspaper. Others say there is no question of dignity when it comes to love. According to their perspective, a human being sacrifices everything for the sake of love. The first type is solid, proud of himself, confident about his personality and believes that it is not only with love that a human being exists. He does not admit his feelings toward his loved one, nor does he sacrifice everything. The other type believes that a person must be head over heals in love, so as to shine even more. He sees that the cost of love is dignity. Many married couples commit mistakes in dealing with their “life partner”. Some men beat their wives, insult and humiliate them and hurt their feelings. Despite the love the woman has for her husband, her patience reaches its end. She says, “My dignity does not permit me to continue. This causes her to remove herself from the situation, using the expression “anything but my dignity.” For a woman to live a life with dignity with her husband, she must explain to him the effects of his humiliations on her feelings. She must not keep quiet about anything that hurts her feelings because suppression causes explosion. Also, keeping quiet about his actions causes him to exceed the boundaries in more serious situations. A woman who is aware learns from daily experiences and tries as much as possible to differentiate between love and dignity. Love can be compensated, but dignity cannot be restored. Faridah Hussein said, “Trust and dignity are two basic conditions for the success of a marriage, otherwise divorce is the best solution. What demeans a woman's dignity is betrayal or a second marriage. A woman feels hurt deeply. This prevents her from being lenient or forgiving. She said a woman cannot forgive her husband for betraying her. Even if her love for her husband was at its extreme, he was not concerned about what links them together. Nawal Al-Aref said when a girl gets married, it is the husband who safeguards her dignity and protects her. Life is not free of slight errors due to pressures, tensions and shouldering the responsibility, but love cannot preserve and protect the marital relations when matters reach the extent of hurting the feelings of one's partner. At this point, she said, the woman must stand up and say, “My dignity does not allow me to continue in a life that lacks respect.” Al-Aref pointed out that dignity must be understood correctly. It is not when the husband does not provide her with her needs or does not protect her rights. Dignity here means she should not be humiliated by words that hurt her feelings, or be insulted in front of others or do anything that he knows beforehand will hurt her, like beating, humiliating or betraying her. Maha Al-Ali said she pities women who allow their husbands or others to demean them, while they tolerate all this for the sake of their children and to safeguard their marital life. Al-Ali criticized the way some mothers and grandmothers raise children, teaching them there is no dignity between a woman and her husband. Some women end up being patient with their husbands who inflict harm on them by beating and embarrassing them. If a woman accepts this from her husband, her life will continue in this way, with concessions and sacrifices. Sometimes the marriage is not worth all these sacrifices. It goes on to the extent that the woman's children never care about her, because in their view she is weak and cannot defend herself. Sabah Al-Zahhar, a psychologist, said society considers verbal humiliation as quite an ordinary matter, as well as beating the wife. The matter is not deemed as hurting the woman's dignity. Therefore, ending this crisis between married couples begins with equality in social standing and cultural status. This will bring both of them to the same level of dialogue. Al-Zahhar said a woman suffering from humiliation by her husband should draw his attention to this in a well-mannered way. She should explain to him how this hurts her feelings and dignity because suppression causes explosion.
