Having a blissful marriage may not be as difficult rocket science, but like everything else requires some effort to be maintained. ‘To Be His Khadijah', a day-long intensive marriage workshop Thursday in Al-Khobar, aims at offering its attendees ‘tools' they require to have a successful and flourishing marriage. “The attendees will learn a combination of life coaching techniques and proven relationship-building techniques. These methods are designed to establish better means of communication and understanding between (the) husband and wife and to foster longer lasting love,” said workshop facilitator, Tamara Redfern, head coach and founder of SisterShine LifeCoaching. Local media reports suggest an alarming rise in divorce rates in the Kingdom. For instance, the Ministry of Economy and Planning estimates that as opposed to around 70,000 marriages that are registered annually, over 13,000 official divorce papers are processed. “The problem is dynamic and reaching (an) epidemic level. Worldwide, people are experiencing marital discord and opting for divorce. Lack of communication, unclear expectations, misunderstanding of what day-to-day married life is, unwillingness to sacrifice, the list can go on and on. This is why we must focus on taking responsibility and finding solutions,” affirmed Redfern, who's been married for 13 years herself. An ideal marriage? “The ideal marriage is a place where you can feel safe and free from physical, mental and emotional harm. It is a place to develop and grow and to work on improving your relationship with Allah. It is a means for yourself, your spouse and your offspring to get to Paradise,” said Redfern, quoting from the Holy Qur'an: “And of His signs is that He created for you, of yourselves, spouses that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely in that are signs for people who reflect.” (30:21) However, in some cases, divorces are inevitable such as when one feels the marriage is not just worth it. What determines this saturation point? “Every situation has its own special circumstances. Only the individuals involved know what has taken place in the marriage. One question I ask women to help them prioritize the issues they are dealing with is: ‘What are your deal breakers?' Once they have identified what would determine that tipping point in the marriage then it helps to judge where it stands. Of course, open communication with the spouse is necessary,” said Redfern. The workshop, a combination of lecture and discussion followed by live interaction with the attendees, targets an eclectic audience because “the knowledge of how to cultivate a great marriage is beneficial to anyone that is single, married or even divorced. People have different learning styles so I try to keep the workshops interesting and vibrant,” she added. When asked what is the one factor she thinks is important in marital stability, Redfern, who holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Lincoln University, is a certified life coach trained by Sh. Muhammad Alshareef of AlMaghrib Institute and an official Surrendered Wife™ Marriage and Relationship trainer, said: “This question has been answered by many wiser and more experienced than me. The best answer I have heard is trust in one another's ‘deen'. If you trust your spouse's ‘deen' you know he will not do anything intentionally to displease the Lord. It is the foundation upon which everything else is built. When there are problems you have a reference point to turn to.” Because arguments are commonplace between a husband and wife, when a couple should get the help of a third person - a counselor, family elder, etc. - depends on themselves as “some people work better with a third party giving unbiased advice and others prefer to work things out on their own.” The workshop claims to be an investment in not only marital bliss now, but in that of one's children. “A good marriage gives children a sense of stability in their life to build their foundation and to foster a sense belief in themselves. When a marriage is flourishing and the husband and wife are supportive of one another then children learn that the family unit is where everyone has a role and a place. As they grow older they begin to emulate the behavior they have witnessed. It's like planting a garden. You reap what you sow,” she stated. While scientists in other parts of the world are busy studying everything from genetic to psychological factors that they say influence commitment and marital stability, Redfern offers some simple tips for a happy marriage: “Develop your ‘deen' together and then trust Allah. Respect one another and appreciate the differences. Be content with what Allah has given you. Make the intention to do everything for the sake of Allah.” – SGFor more information on Thursday's workshop, contact: 0507197455. __
