Sometimes a minor confrontation or problem can cause members of the same family or close friends to act with hostility against one another. All of a sudden the close and warm ties that bind us begin to unravel, turning people distant and cold.
Over time, the chasm deepens and cold ties get colder and colder to the extent that the members of the same family no longer care to maintain the ties that keep families together. Al-Riyadh daily spoke to several citizens and experts for their opinion on the changing societal landscape in the Kingdom.
Basma Salim said cold relationships among husbands and wives are common. She described such relationships as the “cruelest” of all, especially in a wife's eyes.
“A cold relationship is cruel, especially when it grows between a man and his wife. It takes an immense toll on a woman's feelings, especially if the husband does not treat her kindly and gently. Estrangement will ensue,” Salim said.
She went on to talk about a bitter personal experience she went through with her husband. She eventually learned to deal with her husband's distant behavior toward her but she still has bitter feelings.
“Days and weeks would go by and my husband would not say nice things to me, let alone spend some quality time with me. He acted nonchalantly about the emotional distance that was growing between us so much so that I doubted his love for me,” she said.
“When I expressed my feelings and explained how painful I was feeling about the whole situation, I was surprised to hear my husband say that he was still in love with her but that I would have to get used to his distant behavior because that was what his personality was like. I learned to cope with the situation,” she added.
Ebtehaj has a similar problem but with her husband's family. She said even though she doesn't harbor any grudges or ill feelings toward her in-laws and tries to visit them regularly, their relationship is cordial at best.
“When my mother-in-law and I meet, we exchange small talk and that is it. I spend the remaining time surfing the Internet on my cell phone while my mother-in-law plays with her grandchildren. Our relationship has taken a turn for the worse recently when a small problem took place,” Ebtehaj said. She said the real problem is most people cannot forget and forgive and insist on escalating even a small disagreement.
Echoing a similar sentiment, Sarah Muhammad said whenever she meets her relatives, they have nothing to talk about beyond the initial five minutes of small talk.
“Everyone is busy on their cell phones. That's just how things are. I recently met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in a long time and she would talk to me for a minute or two then check her cell phone. Her eyes were glued to her cell phone the entire time,” she said.
Life's pressures
Dr. Nasser Al-Obaid, Dawa activist, blamed the pressures of modern life for the coldness in ties among friends and family members. According to Al-Obaid, the way people act has changed and their ideas and concepts have become different and they are no longer tolerant and patient with one another.
“Not so long ago, love and care permeated among members of society; unfortunately, everything has changed. I'm shocked at what's going on in our society nowadays. We should struggle with ourselves to bridge the gap we are witnessing in our ties with one another, especially with our family members,” Al-Obaid said.
Psychological reasons
Dr. Muhammad Al-Qahtani, deputy dean of assessment and quality at Imam Muhammad Bin Saud University, said people's personalities were to blame for the way they act toward others.
“A narcissist personality treats others smugly while a hostile personality treats others aggressively. Some tend to focus on the negative aspects and traits in others more than on the positive ones.
“Cold ties can over time have unimaginable negative effects on a person. It makes him feel lonely, depressed, careless and capricious,” Al-Qahtani said.
Sociology professor Dr. Salih Al-Dabal called upon members of Saudi society to avoid criticizing others as much as possible and to listen carefully to one another.
“Cold ties should be nipped in the bud before they develop. One should show some conciliation and should apologize immediately if he wronged the other person,” he said.
