Saudi Gazette A tinge of jealousy is normal for a wife to have for her husband. For once, it could even be considered as a good indicator as little bit of jealousy strengthens relations and heightens emotions. But, too much of anything is bad, and extreme possessiveness or irrational jealousy can affect relationships. Men usually resent this intense emotional care as it robs them off their space. Every time Seham hears her husband speaking on his cell phone with a female colleague from work, her mood immediately shifts to apprehension and worry. She trusts her and loves her husband a lot, but it just bothers her when he speaks to other women, even though she knows it is about work. As soon as Hind's husband is about to leave the house to meet his friends, she bombards him with one question after another when he returns; “Where were you?”; “Why did you take so long?” ; “Who did you meet?”; “Why are you wearing cologne?” and the questions are endless. Sociology professor Dr. Hanaa Al-Jawhari, said that reasons for unjustified jealousy is due to lack of self confidence, feelings of inadequacy, and the belief that her level of education, intellect, beauty, physical appearance, or economic status is inferior to others. “Women must beware of these feelings of inadequacy and insecurity because if left to roam freely they can lead to repulsive thoughts. A wife should always think well of her husband and defend his honor and intentions. An extremely jealous wife often turns into a police officer and her conversation becomes interrogatory. When jealousy turns ugly, this behavior will seriously taint the relationship and cause each partner to withdraw from one another,” said Al-Jawhari. “Every time I am out with my friends at a coffee shop, my wife incessantly calls me with questions, commands, and accusations. I started switching my mobile phone to silent when I am with my friends because her constant phone calls embarrass and bother me,”complained Abu Dari. The problem with ungrounded jealousy is that it is often translated by the husband as a lack of his wife's trust in him, which creates tension in the relationship. Dr. Fekri Abdul Aziz, consultant psychiatrist and member of the World Association of Psychiatrists explains, “In its initial stages, jealousy is normal and actually healthy in a relationship. However, once the jealousy progresses into constant doubt and personal attacks on one another, it can cause depression, silence, and eventually lead to breakup.” A wise and considerate husband is one who knows how to ease his wife's jealousy and reassure her that there is nothing to worry about. When confronted with jealous remarks, the husband should not become defensive and lash out at his wife, because this will make matters worse. Abdul Aziz advises, “The husband can actually help his wife overcome her unreasonable jealousy and fears of him leaving her or preferring another woman over her. He can put her mind to rest by constantly reminding her that he loves her and that there is no other woman in his life. Since jealousy often stems from low self esteem, he should look for ways to boost her faltering self confidence. Mention the positive qualities about your wife, thank her for cooking a delicious meal and helping the children with their homework, buy her a simple gift or a flower, and call her when you are out of the house simply to tell her that you were thinking of her. Avoid berating her for her faults, and if there is something you must point out, it should be constructive criticism in a gentle and calm manner.” Marriage and family counselor, Maha Al-Awmi said, “Jealousy is part of human nature and is considered a negative trait only when it is out of place and extreme to the extent that emotions and mere allegations overpower reason. A woman should deal with these feelings before the jealousy overrides all her thoughts and she begins to invade her husband's privacy by going through his personal things and checking his mobile phone messages and recent calls. The best alternative is for her to openly explain her feelings to her husband without accusing him of anything. This will allow the couple to work together rather than against one another to overcome this rough bump in their marriage.” __
