“MY name is Fauwaz Hasbullah, from Malaysia. I read you article in Saudi Gazette on my flight from Riyadh to Madina, yesterday. I work with Family Development Division in Malaysian National Population and Family Development Agency, under the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development. So your article is very close to my work. “It is true now that the global trend of divorce rate is scary, especially in Muslim nations. In Malaysia, we are working hard to reduce it, as you mentioned in your article. We counsel the Qatari government to administer similar programs. Maybe we could exchange ideas and experience on how to overcome the situation. I will be in Jeddah next week after performing Umrah. Hope we could meet.” Soon after receiving this email, I met with Fuwaz in Jeddah. As expected, he presented me with loads of useful information and advices. After all, Malaysia managed, in few years, to reduce divorce rate from over 30 percent to 8 percent. He had my ears. “We shouldn't wait until we have a problem, then run for solutions,” said my guest. “Problems should be tackled methodically — timely, comprehensively, and persistently.” — So how does Malaysia manage? Here is the recipe: • Mandatory courses for Muslim couples before getting a marriage license. In coordination with the religious department, we teach them the Islamic way in marriage. • Pre-marriage, optional course, called “Smart Start,” to help them learn the best ways to manage their new life, including balancing work and home, managing finances, family relations, etc. • Family Educational Program, about the role of men and women, fatherhood and motherhood, parenting children and teenagers, especially if both parents work. • Post marriage issues: Managing relations with extended families of both partners and with their community. • Managing Arrangements. The program deals with challenges and issues that may face the new family, like career development and financial problems. • In case of the unfortunate divorce, the agency provides counseling to mend relations. • If divorce couldn't be avoided, we counsel couples on how to manage children's custody in civilized and healthy relations. • We provide, for minimum fees, clinic consultations for pregnant women and their children. We also help parents plan their family size, to avoid having too many children. All the above courses are government sponsored and run, provided free of charge to families (except for clinics). To guarantee attendance, our ministry arranges with government agencies and companies to host one-day courses for their employees. Long before that, special courses are integrated in schools and university curriculum. Kids learn early on about their role at home, to help the family stay together. The dose increases in high school and university levels to educate students about marriage and family life. But why the increase in divorce rate in modern life? I agreed with my guest that problems were easier to control in the past, when couples were living with their extended families. Wise elders advise young couples and help with their kids. Today, we have small families living on their own, away from their original communities. Also, women work now. This makes it even harder for parenting. Fast economic development, globalization, modern education have occurred in amazingly short period of time for many Islamic nations. Without parallel social development, our new generation became lost between old and new, customs and modern life. Expectations of easy and luxurious life became higher, wider and so different than what we used to. We need to slow down a bit, and think over all of this. Commercialization and commodification of our lives are turning us into a materialist society. Do we want to go down that road? We can't, because we are Muslims, and spirituality matters to us. Marriage is a holy project, and family is a sacred alliance. Governments and concerned academic and social agencies should do thorough studies and work together and with other Islamic nations, like Malaysia and Qatar, on smart, comprehensive and effective solutions. What is your take, dear readers? Here's your comments on my last article “Why some boys avoid marriage?” Limitation “A young boy raised in a culture where critical thinking and independent thought are not encouraged and has limited experience with healthy male-female interaction would certainly avoid marriage.” Faith777 Everything “A girl wants nothing but a husband. Once she gets him, she wants everything!” Genie 'Mahr' “In Islam, it is the groom who has to provide. The two things that cost most is the dowry “mahr” and party. The girls' fathers, the lawful guardians, demand too much for dowry, even though it is not for them to take, but the marriage gift to the bride. If we practice Islam according to the Qur'an and the Sunnah, there would be no problems at all.” Eng.Ismaeel Marikar Harmony “Husbands and wives have to stop pointing fingers at each other and put their heads together to solve this dilemma. Marriage is never easy. Education is important, but before all the degrees, people have forgotten the basic education of being human and what humanity is all about. Problems can be solved if both sides are willing to listen and compromise.” Fatema Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him at Twitter: @kbatarfi
