Saudi Gazette report In today's world where women have taken the lead to secure their future, many are taking a stand on work and marriage by demanding that their marriage contracts affirm their rights to education and employment. The women's stand has its roots in securing their future, while making their marriage work. They believe that writing down these conditions provide married women security in case their marriage faces difficulties and disappointments. Education and employment today provide women with self-esteem and the social status they seek, as well as a sense of complete autonomy in realizing their dreams. It also equips them to provide a helping hand in bringing up the family. Working women can assist their partners in overcoming the difficult living conditions while fulfilling their desire to contribute to the development of their country. That is why more and more women are inclining toward a clear-cut marriage contract that spells out their hopes and aspirations, according to a report in Al-Riyadh newspaper. Not all men are emancipated and this poses issues toward getting married. Some prospective husbands refuse to accept this condition in the contract, especially when they object to the nature of their future wives' jobs, such as being a doctor or a nurse, which may at times require them to work late hours or spend the night at hospitals. In addition, some men may feel honor-bound and may not want assistance from their spouses to run the family. They may justify their rejection of these conditions by emphasizing their ability to meet all their family obligations and requirements without assistance from their wives. In addition, men prefer the traditional women to working women, saying that the upbringing of children would not be affected if the women remained just housewives. But many girls believe that education and work are vital women's rights. Sarah Al-Ghamdi, a medical student, considers these are key areas of women development itself. “Women's contributions are vital for any family. And they could provide monetary and knowledge impetus.” Al-Ghamdi said marriage should not confine women to their homes, especially those who are in dire need of money after falling victim to ruthless men who exploited their situation. Mai Hamdan, an employee, said she could not express her joy when women were allowed to work in shopping malls. She pointed out that this freed many women from living unwillingly with husbands who do not appreciate married life and threaten them constantly of depriving them of their monthly allowance. Hamdan said she left her middle-school education as per her husband's wish, who always assured her that he would provide her with a decent life. A few years after marriage, she virtually became a beggar, awaiting her husband's hand-outs. She gave birth to three children and was always hoping for a job to relieve her of this situation and allow her to provide for herself and her children who were deprived of their necessities due to their father's stinginess. Ghena Sulaiman, a laboratory technician, said that even though she was dreaming of the day she would wear the white dress, her condition that she would continue working after marriage has probably delayed that dream. Many who proposed to her invariably rejected her condition, but she is steadfast in her decision that she will not relinquish her right to work. Sulaiman believes that those who consider work inappropriate for their female partners are unworthy of being husbands. Alia Al-Jehani, an employee, said she quit her job after marriage, though her husband was supportive of her desire to continue working. She added that her husband fulfilled his family obligations and appreciated her efforts in fulfilling her responsibilities to the family. However, she felt bored sitting at home and wished she could work to support her husband. She enrolled in the “Hafiz” program and the salary she was receiving gave her a feeling of financial independence and she spent that money on herself and her children's needs. Al-Jehani was later employed at a women's association with her husband's consent. She pointed out that their combined income is providing them a good life. Dr. Nadiah Al-Tamimi, a marriage counsellor and psychologist, said life should not revolve around negative experiences and precautions to prevent them. She added that if a man can persuade his wife to stay home and she is satisfied with the decision without any coercion, then it is fine. She noted that the wife has to ask herself whether education is in the interest of her home and her children or not? She stressed that men should not be viewed as the betraying partner, but as fathers, brothers and sons. Al-Tamimi pointed out that husbands can revert to negative behavior if they wanted to and the marriage contract will not prevent them from doing so. She said dialogue is the best way to convince husbands to meet their commitments. Mohammad Almoabei, a marriage official, said education and work are legitimate conditions for women, and breaching such a condition allows the wife to seek a divorce. He pointed out that the right to continue education and work and to live in a separate house are important conditions in a marriage contract. He added that men are sometimes surprised by conditions that they are not ready to accept, resulting in the cancellation of the marriage or their reluctant approval. Almoabei said some men refuse to write down conditions in the marriage contract but verbally pledge to abide by them, while wives insist on writing them down so that they may feel more secure. Abdullah Aljefn, a judicial researcher, said conditions that benefit women are permissible and do not affect the validity of the marriage contract. He added that scholars have conflicting opinions regarding the obligation of husbands to fulfill these conditions. He pointed out that God ordered believers to fulfill their obligations and commitments and, as such, women may ask for divorce if their husbands do not fulfill their obligations as stated in the marriage contract. In addition, he said, a man may make a condition that his wife pays him a certain amount for allowing her to work. Sociology professor Ibrahim Al-Juweir said some men may accept such conditions but later put many obstacles to deprive their wives of their right to work. He added that it is better for women to discuss this with their husbands to reach an amicable solution. He also stressed that the insistence of women on writing down conditions in the marriage contract is probably due to their lack of trust in men based on other women's experiences. He believes that insistence on working and chasing a career could be counter-productive. Some women become so involved in their work and future promotions that they tend to neglect their families. They believe that their work will provide them with the security they need, but years later, when they are older, they may regret their decision and wish that they had a family. “A balanced approach toward work and family is what we need,” Al-Juweir said, adding that many could otherwise end up like a prominent woman who once said, “Take my certificates and give me a child to call me mama.”
