Lobna Al-Khamis In the past, arranged marriages were the cultural norm for many young men and women in Saudi Arabia. Whether or not the union ended up being successful depended on sheer luck. Girls over 18 years of age used to accept the first bridegroom who knocked on their family's door, whether or not he had all the qualities necessary to make him a good husband. Today, the situation has changed because our lifestyles have changed with the times. A young woman today will think twice before marrying the first man who proposes to her. A young man will do the same and will insist on a lengthy engagement period to get to know his future wife. Luck is no longer a factor; careful decisions and thinking are of paramount importance. However, despite such changes which might be thought to indicate that most of today's marriages stand a good chance of lasting and not tragically ending in divorce, the rate of divorce is, unfortunately, still high. Recently, Al-Eqtisadiya daily published a report on divorce for 2013. The report said that the number of divorces was increasing each year and that in 2013, there were 82 divorces every day – that is 3.4 every hour! This is clearly a catastrophe which calls for the full attention of all citizens, society and government. We need to conduct exhaustive and extensive studies and research in order to find the reason for such a large number of failed marriages. We need to find a solution to this frightening problem. Some social experts have blamed husbands for the high rate of divorce, citing causes such as cheating, neglecting their wives, and spending most of their time with their friends. On the other hand, some experts have blamed women. They say women have become more demanding and more selfish because they only care about finding ways to satisfy their social needs. However, blaming men only or women only will get us nowhere in terms of finding a way to deal with this problem. I attended a course on the mistakes women make when dealing with men. I came out with the realization that most women do not understand men and vice versa. I learned that wives should appreciate their husbands' efforts to make them happy even if such efforts fall short of their hopes and expectations. If men are appreciated by their wives, they will work hard to match their partners' expectations in the future. My advice to men and women who are going to get married soon is to attend courses on marriage and read up on the subject to learn more. Remember it is not easy to understand how men and women think. Some have paid a high price because they were clueless about this fact. Problems and stress can sometimes take a heavy toll on a married couple who do not understand how each other's minds work.
