DR. KHALID AL-SEGHAYERFor quite some time, I have been amazed by a social phenomenon that distinguishes the Saudi people in particular and Arabs in general: the difficult or, to put it better, the incorrect approach that we often take when reacting to the opinions of others that happen to be different from our own. I came to this realization after closely observing my own people reacting to the insights of others, as well as watching carefully how people from other nations react or deal with other people?s perspectives that are not the same as their own views. Based on my personal observation, I have noticed that instead of weighing the expressed opinion to see how valid it is, we tend - only because we disagree with the opinion - to personally attack the person who stated it. In the worst-case scenario, we sometimes accuse him or her of being someone who is morally degenerate or intentionally hardheaded and who is acting to thwart our aspirations. Another ugly approach is that some of us go so far as to claim that the other person is not thoughtful or knows nothing about the subject matter. We also beat down different views with a cultural stick, if I can call it such. To be frank, I personally welcome diversity; however, due to this widespread and unproductive behavior, I feel that every time I want to state my views, there is a feeling of disdain or hostility toward me. If you are like me, I expect that you have heard some of the following responses upon stating your personal perspectives on an issue: ?You are ignorant?; ?You have read some books and want to show off your little knowledge?; ?I know far better than you? and the like. In my estimation, this stance usually leads to a number of negative consequences, including creating social conflict that might lead to violence and insubordination. It creates unconstructive relationships among the members of society. I would also contend that it creates disappointment simply because we expect others to think in certain ways that we tend to expect of ourselves. Additionally, this behavior discourages people from being free thinkers and having the courage to state their opinions openly. So you might ask how we should respond when we encounter an opinion that is different from our own views. My own feeling is that we should avoid judging whether the views are right or wrong as long as they are stated as an opinion, and not as a fact. We need also to recognize that people have ideas and opinions that will be different from our own, and we should find areas where we can agree so that others feel that they are being listened to and that their opinions are appreciated. We can consider further suggestions such as reflecting on our understanding of others and listening with considerable interest. Other people need to feel that you are listening to their opinions and taking them into account before stating your own. Another step you should take is letting the other person know that you value him or her as a person even though his or her opinion is different from yours. As you discuss the other person?s opinion, you might say something like, ?I understand, appreciate, and respect how you might think that way.? Employing this approach or statement will show the other person that although you do not agree with the opinion expressed, you still value him or her considerably. The message you are sending is that you want to exchange ideas comfortably, not as a contest for superiority. I would say that we first need to learn the skills of respectfully listening to and accepting another?s opinion. We need to learn that all through life we will run into people who think differently than we do and have opinions that differ from ours. Whether or not we agree with them, it is right that we acknowledge them and allow them to express what they think. We need to remember that each individual is complex and entitled to his or her own opinion. We must realize that since no two people view the world in exactly the same way, disagreement is normal and not all views will be like our own. The art of dealing effectively with perspectives that differ from ours is a vital social skill that requires great attention from our educational institutions, families and society as a whole to instill in us the importance of reacting civilly to the views of others.? The writer is a Saudi academic who can be reached at [email protected]
