SEGHAYER For quite a long time, a social phenomenon that distinguishes the Saudi people, in particular, and Arabs, in general, has flabbergasted me. It is about the difficulty, or to put it better, the wrong approach we often take when reacting to others' contradictory opinions. I came to this realization after closely observing my own people perceive others' insights as well as by carefully watching how people from other nations react or deal with perspectives which are not the same as their own views. I noticed that instead of weighing the expressed opinions to see how valid they are, we tend to focus on the person rather than the opinion stated. In the worst-case scenarios, we sometimes accuse him or her of being morally degenerate or intentionally hardheaded and acting to thwart our aspirations. Another ugly approach is the tendency of some of us to go as far as claiming that the other people are not thoughtful and know nothing about the subject matter. We often beat down different views with some cultural sticks. Personally, I welcome diversity, but, due to our widespread unproductive behavior, I feel that every time I want to state my views, there is this sort of feeling of disdain and almost hostility toward me. If you are like me, I expect that you have heard some of the following responses upon stating your personal perspectives about any issue: “You are ignorant,” “You have read some books and you want to show off your little knowledge,” “I know far better than you,” and the like. In my humble estimation, this stand usually leads to a number of negative consequences including creating social conflict that may lead to violence and insubordination. It affects relationships destructively among members of society. It creates a state of disappointment simply because we expect others to think in certain ways that we tend to follow ourselves. This behavior also discourages people from being free thinkers and having the courage to openly state their own opinions. How should we react when we encounter opinions that are different from our own views? My response is that we should avoid judging if the views are right or wrong as long as people are just stating an opinion and are not claiming that it is a fact. We also need to recognize people's ideas and opinions, even if they are different than ours, and find areas where we can agree so that they will feel that they are being heard and appreciated. Further suggestions you may consider are to reflect on your understanding of the opinions of others and listen with considerable interest. This is so that people will feel you are listening to their views and taking them into account before you state your opinions. Another thing that you should do is let other people know that you value their opinions, even if they are different from your own. You may say to them: I understand, appreciate, and respect your opinion, or I see why you think that way. Employing such an approach or statement will show people that, even though you do not agree with them, you still value them and the message you are sending is: “Let's exchange ideas comfortably, not as a contest for superiority.” The first thing we need to do is to learn the skills of respectfully listening to and accepting the opinions of others. We need to learn that all through life, we will run into people who think differently than we do and who have different perspectives. Whether we agree or not, it is nice to acknowledge them and allow them to express what they think. We need to keep in mind that each individual is complex and entitled to his/her own opinions. We must realize that since no two people view the world in exactly the same way, disagreements are quite normal. Although people are entitled to their opinions, all views are not equal. The art of dealing effectively with perspectives that are different from ours is a vital social skill that requires great attention from society. Our educational institutions and families need to instill in us whatever it takes to enable us to react civilly when faced with the views of others. — The writer is a Saudi academic who can be reached at [email protected] __
