Saudi Gazette Social workers in the field of marriage and family counseling stressed the need for the concerned government bodies to follow up on the Ministry of Social Affairs' plans to require engaged couples to attend a marriage preparation course before being able to receive a marriage license from the courts. In a previous Saudi Gazette report, Muhammad Al-Babtain, Director of the Marriage Contracting Administration at the Ministry of Justice, said: “The project for marriage guidance and counseling will be carried out under the direct supervision of the Ministry of Social Affairs. The aim is to ensure that young couples are able to deal with their problems and live happy married lives. Couples will get a clear idea of their rights and obligations and will receive certificates upon completion of the course.” Revisiting this idea, marriage counselors are bringing this issue up again and they believe that this project may tackle the rampant divorce rates in the Kingdom. They back their optimism regarding this project with statistics from Malaysia showing that after implementation of a mandatory pre-nuptial training course, divorce rates in the country decreased from 31 percent of all marriages to a low of 7 percent. Some experts point to the fact that the most tricky and trying times in a marriage are the first year or two since the life partners are just getting used to each other's personalities and lifestyle habits, and that after a period of serenity, tension usually rises again when the spouses reach the ages of 40 to 50 years. At this age, growing children, increased social obligations and work pressures place an increased demand on the individual's emotions, energy and time. Marriage counselors try to remind these couples to allocate special time together to be alone and to keep the love and tender feelings alive between them. “Recent studies show that 40 percent of the divorce cases in the Kingdom occur in the first couple of years of marriage. Once the couple gets through the first few critical years, divorce rates gradually decrease over the expanse of the following 20 years of marriage. After 20 years of marriage, there is another spike in divorce rates,” said Dr. Khalid Al-Helaibi from Al-Ahsa Social Development Committee. Dr. Al-Helaibi advised husbands facing marital difficulties against running away from their problems and trying to fix the situation by looking for a second wife. “Remarrying is not a solution to the problems in an already existing but troubled relationship, and often the second marriage is not well thought of. In fact, 60 percent of men who remarry report that their reasons and needs for taking up a second wife were not met. It is important to fortify your present relationship before looking for and building a new one,” said Dr. Al-Helaibi. Dr. Al-Helaibi added: “Around 90 percent of a person's physical health is linked to psychological and emotional health. After five years of marriage, the man and woman's personality traits, likes and dislikes, and habits become clear. The first few years are a time of discovery and learning about one another. In the successful marriages, getting to know one another better results in growing love between the couple.” Marital advice that Dr. Al-Helaibi offers both newlyweds and older couples is to look for their partner's positive traits rather than faults because perfection is an illusion. Lasting relationships are built on mutual respect and patience. During his years of experience working with couples, he found that many marital disputes and heated arguments ensue because the husband fails to truly listen. A woman has a need to express her feelings without being judged or corrected and oftentimes the husband misinterprets her words as accusations when all she really needed was to vent her feelings and did not intend to blame him or criticize him in any way. And as the days go by and children come along, Dr. Al-Helaibi said: “The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother and treat her well.” __
