Many young couples who marry after obtaining their bachelor's degrees go on to obtaining their MA or PhD abroad on the country's scholarship program. These new couples are exposed to a different culture and have to work together to surmount a labyrinth of various obstacles. It is only once they've done this that they can return to Saudi Arabia, where their real problems begin. Men's Take Many of the men complain that their wives have become lazy and less fun than when they were abroad. Nabeel Al-Amri says “I don't know if the weather has anything to do with it but my wife seems to want to sit in bed all day and have things done for her even though when we were abroad she would wake up at 6 A.M. and only lie down again at 8 P.M.” Nabeel complains that he is constantly served by his maid and his wife isn't available as she used to be. “She is either on the phone or getting ready to leave when I get home. She sits with me with her abaya on while I have my lunch as if it's an obligation not a choice.” Nabeel says he has stopped seeing his wife as the educated mother and more as the boring housewife since they came back. “She became less intellectual and more shallow which is not what I am used to nor what I like and I have tried to remind her of what she once was, but she doesn't seem to see it any more, so I gave up and we are living semi-separated lives in my opinion.” Nabeel isn't proud of what his relationship with his wife has come to, but he feels there isn't anything more that he can do about it. Women's Take Most of the women on the other hand complain of the men being less helpful and more dependent, more stressed and never having time to discuss anything. Najlaa reveals she always split household chores with her husband while studying abroad. “Our lives were 10 times more difficult than it is here and we really never had time for anything yet we still spent more time together than we do now.” Najlaa said it has nothing to do with working because her husband worked and studied in the US and they still didn't have the problems they do now. “It's as if coming back to Saudi Arabia means he has to be like every other man here who leaves everything on his wife, doesn't give her a minute of his time or take her out to dinner or spend quality time with his children.” Ameera on the other hand says she and her husband did everything together – he even changed the diapers at night when she was sleeping or at school. But when they came back to Saudi Arabia everything changed. “It's as if we are different people here than when we were abroad! He doesn't spend more than two hours at home, half of it is dedicated to watching the news and the other is for eating.” Children's Take Even children have noticed the difference in their parents' behaviors and they say it's having a big impact on them. Abdullah (9 years old) said his parents used to spend all day with him when they lived in Canada. “I don't remember a day when mom and dad didn't take me to the park or the beach or even to the supermarket. We always left the house together and came back together. They never left me alone or with a nanny.” Abdullah says even though they had a live-in nanny, his parents always did everything for him and the nanny only took care of the cleaning and laundry. “I believe that is what a house worker is for – to keep things neat and tidy, but not to take care of children.” But now back in Saudi Arabia Abdullah rarely has lunch with his family and his mother is rarely there to tuck him in at night. “She's either getting ready for a social event or out already,” he said. For Abdullah, the weekends are all about being with his friends and family time is just never on the calendar. Positive Take Dr. Shadi Jamal lived in the UK for 8 years with his wife and children where they both obtained their PhD and came back to Jeddah two years ago. “We tried our best to not change anything in our lifestyles because since we got married we have had the very same routines which have been altered a bit to fit our children.” Shadi's family has breakfast and supper together on weekdays while the schedule changes to only breakfast on the weekends and lunch on Friday's. “I take the kids to school in the morning and my wife picks them up in the afternoon as a form of bonding with the children.” Shadi's wife Rosana said many of her friends make fun of their lifestyle but she couldn't be any happier. “So we sleep at 10 P.M., what's the problem with that? I put my kids to bed at 8 and my husband and I have some quality time together watching a movie or chatting before heading to bed. Many say I don't have a social life, but I believe having a healthy family life is much more important than attending social events that are a drag on my health.” Expert View Healthy relationships and lifestyles are hard to maintain and only strong contenders last. Sahar Sawan, a family therapist at first clinic in Jeddah, said: “You always find the society dragging you to be like them not the other way around, but only those who are smart enough will pull others towards the right path.” __
