Early marriage, early divorce By Zain Anbar JEDDAH – A new phenomenon is surfacing in Saudi society, more and more marriages are failing. There are several reasons which people associate with the failure of marriages; some say it is distinct psychological differences in the couples others say economics are to blame. One other reason is a fear of never finding a soul mate if a suitor is turned down. In order to discover the root of these “take-away” marriages, we spoke to some women who have taken the road of early marriage, early divorce. Najlaa Khaled, 22, said, “It seems as if it all happened in the blink of an eye, only two months after the wedding I was divorced.” Najlaa said her marriage was doomed from the start because her engagement period was so short. Because of that she wasn't able to get to know the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. “I didn't have time to understand all of this, since my father doesn't approve of long engagements, which left me feeling that there is a gap between me and my husband on many levels,” she said. Najlaa also said that she wasn't aware of the importance of reasoning in marriage, which is why her two months as a wife were full of disputes and arguments, leaving her in what seemed as a state of continuous shock, since she had been told by her family that harmony always comes after marriage and not before. “My hopes are gone,” said Najlaa, who explains that all she got out of her marriage was the title “young divorcee” given to her by her college friends. Najlaa urged young women to take their time and trust their feelings and trust their instincts instead of listening to other people's advice. Betrayal Ghadeer Saber, a 23-year-old divorcee, said the reason behind her divorce was her husband's betrayal despite him promising to be loyal during their engagement and his continual chastising of unfaithful husbands. “I was somewhat surprised to find out that he had several mobile numbers of which I had no idea,” Ghadeer said, “but what was even more shocking was the number of romance and love messages that I found on these mobiles”. Ghadeer said her husband broke her heart, but it was not his cheating that ended the marriage. Ghadeer said that her husband claimed that what he did was his own business and if she fullfiled his needs he would not have to look to other women for satisfaction. “Feeling humiliated, I found myself forced to move out to my parents' house and seek divorce,” she said. Outside interferences “Different reasons that lead to one outcome,” that is how 21-year-old Ahlam Mohammed described her marriage, ending in divorce because of an interfering mother-in-law. Ahlam said “it all started well with understanding and equilibrium between me and my husband, but three months after the wedding she started interferring.” Ahlam continued, saying that her mother-in-law seemed to know no limits when it came to telling her son and his wife what to do, claiming that she is only trying to help them learn from her experience. But the interference wasn't the only problem, Ahlam had with her mother-in-law, “she kept criticizing me in front of others, which I ignored at the beginning since I knew that some mothers tend to get jealous of their son's wives, but I couldn't simply ignore it when she started convincing my husband that there is no point of me going to college,” Ahlam said Ahlam explained that her mother-in-law's orders were followed in suite by her son, who neglected transporting his wife to college, claiming that he is unable to provide transportation for her in addition to forcing her to hear his mother's non-stop advice. “In the face of this loss of independence and privacy, I had to get a divorce,” says Ahlam, adding that she did not want to be with a man who could not stand up to his mother. Variety of causes Najm El-Dien Andejani, Chief of the Islamic Education Department in Umm Al-Qura University said the reasons behind early divorce are quite different than those behind typical divorce cases. A typical divorce occurs when one or both partners are unaware of the rights Islam grants them and the proper way to deal with married life situations. Andejani said a lack of cohesion between couples is a major factor of early divorce which can range from; personal, religious, moral or economic differences. Adding that interferance from relatives or any betrayal of loyalty can tip the fragile scale of an early marriage.. Andejani urges newly married couples to take Allah into account in everything they do and that taking their time is very important. “Patience is needed in order for understanding, love and harmony to being,” he said. Remaining rational is one of the most important things couples can do to remain together and to allow an equilibrium to be achieved between the two. __
