wearing Muslim woman's quest for finding ‘the one' – a suitable husband through the age-old Auntie network – making it to the top 10 list of bestsellers in one of the world's third-largest publishing markets? Sounds a bit like fiction, except, incredible as it may sound, it's true! British author and award-winning blogger, Shelina Zahra Janmohammed's book ‘Love in a Headscarf' made it to Number 2 on the Indian bestsellers list last week, and its author is understandably ecstatic. Pegged “somewhere between chick-lit and memoir”, the book is based on the universal story of trying to find Mr. Right, and eventually succeeding - from the perspective of an observant, Oxford-educated Muslim woman. The book takes the reader on an angst-ridden journey through the tense, exciting inner world of arranged marriages: know-it-all buxom aunties, the ritual of serving tea with a steady hand, trying to strike the right balance between being ‘attractive' and ‘modest', deflecting advice on not studying “too much” for fear of scaring prospective husbands, and of course, going through the paces with a whole slew of suitors - ranging from the serious to the off-putting to the downright ridiculous. The theme is sure to strike a chord with women everywhere, and is due to be published in Arabic by Bloomsbury Qatar Foundation Publishing next year. “I'm very curious to see how the book is received in the Arab world because, although it has a strong Islamic story, it is written from a non-Arab perspective. I'm delighted by the success in India, to me it suggests that the challenges that Muslim women are facing are fairly consistent globally, although of course they take many different forms depending on the location,” Shelina commented when I had the opportunity to catch up with her for an interview. Does she feel there might be aspects of the book lost in translation? “I think it can be challenging for the Middle East to learn about Islamic stories and experiences that are completely distinct from the Arab experience, and don't necessarily see that Arab and Islam are necessarily the same thing. “In the book I talk about the journey unpicking the difference between culture and religion, although my book is a very lighthearted almost comedic story. However, the feedback that I've already got from many readers in the Middle East who've read the book is that they've loved it, and it has a struck a chord in expressing the real - not just hypothetical - challenges that we live through, and answering questions like: ‘What does it mean to be a Muslim?' ‘Can I be part of my community but also choose my own path?' ‘Why do I want to get married, and what kind of partner should I look for?' ‘What does love mean to a Muslim?' and ‘Can I have a sense of humor and be a Muslim?' (the answer to the last question is definitely yes!) and of course, “How do I be a woman in the 21st century?'” Shelina depicts the emotional toll that the process of arranged marriage entails - revealing one's innermost self within minutes of meeting someone, putting oneself up for scrutiny and possible rejection, time after time - with unusual honesty and insight. In the book, after an encounter with a cricket crazy suitor who had no qualms about letting her wait in a café, without bothering to call because their meeting clashed with an all-important cricket match, and he chose “cricket over courtesy”, she observes: “I found this process amazing. It gave you access to the most instinctive behaviors of another person and then allowed you to see your own unmeditated response first-hand. The rules of culture had told me to pursue marriage at all costs and to subsume my own mind and instincts to the process. Instead, I should have trusted my fitrah, the inner conscience that the Creator has put into each of us to recognize what is right and to assert what is our due. Fitrah is an amazing part of a human being, the natural instinct that everyone has to know what is right, to want to do the right thing and to be expect to be treated right”. My right was to be treated with courtesy. My culture had belittled the self-respect I should have had for myself. On the other hand, I saw that my religion offered respect to me, telling me to trust that voice inside myself. I realized that my faith truly had something to offer me, and at that moment, I took it out of the books and applied it to my life: I was a human being and I deserved to be treated with respect.” In a chapter called ‘Waiting', she writes about waking up for Fajr (morning prayer) and dissolving in unstoppable tears on the prayer mat, recounting the numerous blessings in her life – “wonderful family, lovely house, good job, the opportunity to travel”, yet, missing “someone to be with and love, someone who will love me and bring me closer to You.” It's rare to find a narrative by Muslim women on their lives, much less about their aspirations for love and marriage. Speaking about what she was aiming for with her emotional transparency throughout the book, Shelina says, “What I would really love to see as an outcome of my book is for these discussions to be raised in a comfortable and non-confrontational way. I think using someone else's story is a great platform for discussion. “Many people have said that they think I'm brave by writing my story so honestly. But I think the only way that we can grow is to read other stories and realize that the aspirations and ideas that we hide so closely in our hearts are not always unique to us, that we are in fact sharing the dreams of many, and through that realization we can come to make our own dreams come true “I don't suggest that people should live the same kind of life that I have, or make the same choices as me, or even agree with my choices, but simply that by learning about other ways of being, people can realize that there are many acceptable ways of being a Muslim, being a woman, and to be brave enough to live their lives with their convictions.”
