More and more Indians living in Saudi Arabia are finding it hard to marry off their daughters to suitable boys thanks to the list of conditions set by the groom's side and in many cases - also the brides. In India, centuries-old custom of arranged marriages is still the norm where parents and relatives play matchmakers. It is no different for those who live abroad. Arranged marriages have come of age with boys and girls having a final say in the decision unlike before when they would meet only on the wedding day. Indians living abroad seek the help of family, friends or matrimonial advertisements to find a match for their sons and daughters. Marriages among Indians start with exchanging detailed resumes stating the age, color of skin, height, details of siblings, parent's education and profession, names of maternal and paternal grandparents, education and profession and also uncles/aunts education and profession and photographs of the girl and boy between both set of parents. Then the parents match up family background, religion, education etc. Indians settled in the Kingdom prefer to marry their daughters to boys brought up here. “It helps me find out about the boy, his family and background in detail. I can not do this if the family is in India,” said a father, who has been looking for a suitable groom for his daughter since a year now after placing his ad in the Saudi Gazette matrimonial section. He thanked the paper for providing this facility to help him find a groom for his daughter. It has become a norm for the parents of boys to demand the photograph of the girl before starting any formal talk. This demand does not gel well with many parents. “In this age, where photographs can be misused in any way, how can I give my daughter's photograph to a stranger,” said Khaled, a parent. “I have to first look into the family and the background before taking the matter further.” But many families of grooms reject those proposals when no photograph is provided. Education is another important criterion. For some, the question of whether the girl will be allowed to work after marriage is also an important decisive factor. “It is important for my daughter that she works even after marriage and so it is important for us to find a boy who will agree to this condition,” says Mohammed Hameed, who has so far came across around 50 proposals which did not work out. “We didn't like some and some didn't like us. It is hard to find people who match your priorities,” he said. “Money comes and goes and everybody gets what is in his or her fate, so I am looking for nice family, educated and with a religious mind-set.” Religion is an important condition in finding that elusive mate for Indians. “It is important that my future daughter-in-law be religious and respect her in-laws and elders,” says Fahima, a housewife in Dammam. “It surely becomes a long wait for those who live abroad. Many families believe that a girl should be married between the ages of 20 and 23, after which good proposals are hard to find,” says Rubina, mother of a 5-year-old girl. “It is for the good future of our children that we struggle to find the perfect mate for them.” Arranged marriage does have its advantages. Living with the extended family in some cases – daughters traditionally living with their in-laws including brothers-in-law and their wives and children – means a free staff of child minders, apart from the economic savings of a family home. The system cares for elderly parents and grandparents. Since arranged marriage tends to be a union of two families of strong moral and cultural values it provides checks and balances. Above all, it is a buffer against one of the biggest modern day ills – the despair of feeling isolated in a cold world. __
