Amal Al-Sibai Saudi Gazette Whether we like to admit it or not, our friends have a powerful influence on our character; that is why we should choose our friends wisely. Did you ever hear the proverb: Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are? Well, to a great extent, it's true. Popularity, physical appearance, wealth, job title, or having important connections do not make the right reasons for picking friends. A good friend is one who will bring you closer to Allah. Imam Suhaib Webb reminded us of the three criteria that the Prophet (peace be upon him) prescribed when it comes to choosing friends. A great friend is: 1. One whose speech increases you in knowledge. 2. One whose presence causes you to remember Allah. 3. One whose actions cause you to remember the Hereafter. When the level of your faith sinks, or you do something against Islamic teachings, a true friend will not just look the other way and leave you to get in deeper trouble, and worse yet talk about you behind your back. A true friend will advise you with kind words, point you in the right direction, and help you get back on the straight path. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness).” Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. A good friend is not judgmental and should excuse your shortcomings; no human is perfect. At the same time, he/she does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses. When asked what type of friend is the best friend, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “He who helps you remember Allah, and reminds you when you forget Him.” Friendship works both ways; not only should you be looking for these characteristics in a friend, but you too should be to others the type of friend that the Prophet (peace be upon him) described. Would you rather be around someone who spreads musk on everyone she comes in contact with, or the one who throws soot in everyone's faces? That is how the Prophet (peace be upon him) compared the good and the bad friend. Abu Musa reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows (respectively). So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.” [Bukhari and Muslim] Qualities that we look for in a friend include humbleness, honesty, and trustworthiness. A Muslim scholar once warned his son against making friends with five types of people. 1. Do not befriend a liar, for a liar is like a mirage. He shows the distant as near and the near as distant. He will always deceive you and trouble you. 2. Don't befriend a transgressor or sinner. He will make your sins appear alluring to you and drag you away from the obedience and worship of your Lord. 3. Never befriend a miser; he values his wealth more than anything else and to that end he is prepared to forsake even his friends. 4. Do not befriend a fool, for in his foolishness he will harm you while he intends to help you. That is why it is said, “A shrewd enemy is better than a foolish friend”. 5. Do not befriend the one who breaks relations with his/her blood relatives. This person is so engrossed in his/her own affairs with scant regard for others.
