The first words I remember hearing when I was growing up were: “He is an orphan.” I learned that I was an orphan and that I lived in an orphanage even before I knew my own name.
I am aware that most people do not know how it feels to be an orphan and to live in an orphanage. Well, here is a surprise for you. My small prison, the orphanage, is much better than the prison–wider society–that you live in. Society is only concerned about one's family, race and tribe. People immediately know whether you are an “original” Saudi or whether you have gained Saudi nationality from your parents who came for Haj and remained in the Kingdom.
Saudis who are of tribal origin used to call other Saudis who are non-tribal something that the sea has thrown up. Even if your grandparents obtained Saudi nationality many decades ago, you will still be in their eyes a castaway, the vomit of the sea.
Now, just imagine the condition of an orphan who does not know who his or her parents are in this tribal and segregated society. That is why this small prison is much better for us than the wider society, the big prison.
In the small prison, we are all equal without tribes, social class or degradation. We are all orphans living in the same place. No one is better than the other. I am still a member of society even if the other members deny me this right. Is there anything worse than being ignored and not being given attention? Will anyone give a damn how I live in the orphanage, lonely and at the mercy of the people who run it?
There are some supervisors who are cruel and treat us harshly and there are some who are not so harsh. Most of the time we keep silent when we are maltreated. We do not dare to complain. Even if we wanted to complain to whom could we do so? When news leaks out about the abuse of orphans or how dirty the facilities are, the officials from the orphanages will deny the reports or at best promise to investigate.
Thereafter, the issue will be forgotten. Who cares about us? We are just orphans. What do you think you could do for us? The most you can do is visit and distribute sweets or toys. You may rub our heads to earn divine reward, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that rubbing the head of an orphan is Sadaqah (voluntary charity). Let me tell you how much I hate having my head rubbed. It makes me feel humiliated and makes me hate your Sadaqah.
When you want to do something better for me, you will come to the orphanage and take me out to spend a day with your family and play with your children. I then soon realize that everyone is eyeing me with pity. When one of your sons asks you who I am, you will whisper in his ear that I am an orphan. At the end of the day, you will return me to my small prison. My pain and humiliation will increase after seeing how your children are living happily with their parents while I am alone and parentless in my small prison.
Please do not feel offended when I tell you that I despise you and your society which looks down on me. Your society does not care what happens to me in the orphanage. Your society will not allow me to marry among you because I have no history.
I will end up marrying a girl in the orphanage. We are all orphans and so we can only marry each other. We get married in mass wedding ceremonies and this underscores that we are different from other members of society. Even our marriages show this.
Listen to me, my brother. I do not want your pity, head rubbing or Sadaqah. All I want is to be treated like a normal member of society. I want to be treated on merit, not on account of my origin.
I want the orphanage to be well prepared for me and to treat me as a useful member of society. I want our society to know about us; I want our society to adopt orphans and provide them with care and warmth. Our society should be ready to let me marry a girl from it. I want to establish a new family; is this too much to ask? Is it too much to dream of becoming an equal member of the society we all live in?
