Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi Suzan is a pretty Saudi girl who fell in love with a handsome Iranian young man. She lived, then, with her family in London, where they met in school. Her family reluctantly accepted him as a friend and her schoolmate, but totally rejected his marriage offer, because he was non-Saudi, non-Arab and Shiite. She was deeply in love and wouldn't take no for an answer, even after they left back to Saudi Arabia. Her father eventually relented after she attempted suicide. The next challenge was government permission. This took many years and a baby girl. During these years, her husband couldn't even enter Saudi Arabia, so they lived in Europe, and she visited her family alone. Finally, her patience and relentless efforts paid off. Today, thirty five years later, she lives happily with her husband and daughter in Saudi Arabia. He couldn't get a Saudi nationality, though, and finds it tough to visit or be visited by his Iranian family. Lila is a Saudi girl who fell in love with a British teacher during her studies in Britain. It took her years to get permission, but finally succeeded. Now, she lives happily with him in Saudi Arabia, where he found a job as an English teacher. Her sister has just married another Englishman. She hopes to find the same understanding and happiness her sister did. Not all stories have happy ending, though. Haneen couldn't marry the man of her dreams, even though he was a Saudi. The problem is that she comes from an upper class family. Her sisters and cousins are married to VIPs. Now, husbands and their families have a say on who marry into their golden circle. When they learned of the intended marriage to a common man from the Hijazi region, with no tribal credential, they called on her father and told him to call the marriage off. He resisted, as a well-educated man with an open-mind should. Besides, he knew that his daughter would be devastated. However, one man's revolt against a whole tribe was a guaranteed defeat. It became worse, as girls in similar cases were physically attacked and legally forced to divorce. He eventually had to give up, and Haneen was forced into marriage to a blue-blood husband. Decades later, she is still married, with many children. When her sister finally won a divorce from a similarly arranged marriage, she cried happily and pleaded: “Please sister, pray that I win a similar release!” The sister managed years later to marry a man she loved, from a lesser tribe. She can't be happier. Haneen, however, is still suffering in her prison with her husband. She explains: “We never communicate. He could have been from outer space. I can't understand his jokes, let alone laugh at them. He doesn't get my point in any discussion, if he ever allows one. “There isn't a night when I don't remember my love and miss him. Life with my husband has been a life-time sentence in an emotional slavery, a capital punishment for a crime I don't recall committing. He isn't bad in physical treatment, but he is incapable of making me happy.” When a woman came to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) telling him that she can't be happy with her husband because she doesn't love him, even though he loves her and was very kind to her, the Prophet (pbuh) granted her divorce. What this story tells us is that in Islam marriage is not just about functional relationship or legal arrangement, it is more about living happily. If love happened to be with a different nationality, religion or bloodline, then so be it. The Prophet (pbuh) sanctioned marriages of this kind, including his. He married a non-Arab Christian and a Jew, and allowed an ex-slave to marry his cousin. If we call ourselves true Muslims, we should follow Allah's commands and his Prophet's Sunnah. Otherwise, we are nothing but hypocrite. Thanks dear readers for your comments, here's your latest: Love not enough “The government faces problems when foreign wives or husbands don't acclimate to the new environment. It gets worse with kids. Young people think love is enough and will last despite obstacles! I doubt.” Leonardo Global village “The world is a global village now and this would surely reflect on the youth's thinking. Let us hope for a better tomorrow.” Sohail Foreign husbands “Would you also support a Saudi woman marrying a foreign man? It seems your articles are always about a Saudi man and a foreign woman, what about the other why around.?” John Nine years! “I'm married to a Saudi for almost eighteen years. My husband's request for marriage permission took nine years to get, during which we were legally married in my country only.” Umm Mishal – Dr. Khaled Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at: [email protected] Follow him on Twitter: @Kbatarfi
