DR. KHALED M. BATARFI Hind is a very smart young woman. She has always been top of her class. When she went to high school, her father promised her the college of her choice, provided she achieved the required grades. Her dream was to be a doctor, and she did the impossible to deliver her part of the bargain.
The day her father was supposed to bless her application to King Abdulaziz Medical College, he changed his mind. Her only choice now was a teacher training college. He explained that he only meant to inspire her to study harder, but under no circumstances would he allow her to study and work in a mixed environment. He was also pressured by family and tribal elders. With broken spirit and heart, she went along with her father's wishes and became a teacher in a girls' school. After her father's death, her brothers turned away every suitor before even asking for her opinion. Her salary and inheritance were too valuable to let a stranger share in it. When she agreed to let them take full control of her investments and earnings, they agreed to let her marry, but only to someone from her tribe or one that was equal to her tribe. The only two suitors who fit their standards were an idiot and a married old man with children her age. She chose to stay single. Here is another victim of the obstacles and controls that break hearts and steal dreams: "I am a French Muslim woman, originally from Algiers. I met my Saudi fiancé 10 months ago, and we would like to get married and build our life together "Our big problem is that he is representing his government in UAE and they will not allow him to marry a foreigner. He is trying to find another job but with the same package so that he can take care of his family (his father has passed away) and of our future family. So we are working on it, but it is difficult. “I also read an article about a law that the Shoura Council is working on to solve the problem. Do you have any idea about it? I know we can get married in France and live in UAE, and he can come back every weekend and holiday for the time being. But if we get married we have to live together all the time, so I would highly appreciate any information and assistance.” French-Algerian woman Dr. Rashied Small (Alfaisal University) comments: “The issue of marriage and race is not unique to the Arab world. It is directly linked to the misinterpretation, and I believe it is intentional rather than through ignorance, of the sentimental and status values attached to nationalities, tribes, traditions and values. As you so rightly pointed out, our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly stated that there is no super or superior race other than for their knowledge and faith. The classifications of nationalities and tribes are merely characteristic so that people can be identified and classified, but only for recognition purposes and they have no reference in terms of status, values and superiority. "Maintaining the status and values of the family and tribe by permitting only marriages within the clan or tribe is not only biologically unsafe and unhealthy but also restrictive in the development of the family, community and tribes. If we are superior beings, driven by knowledge as a means of improving our lives, then we should encourage intertribal and transnational marriages as this will only increase and broaden our knowledge about our traditions and values as well as those of others. This will therefore promote the scholarly behavior of the tribes and society in general. "As to selecting a partner in marriage, the Holy Qur'an and Ahadith are clear and I do not want to indulge in that debate. However, regarding the article about females who have lost the opportunities of marriage when they are in their "prime", I would like to differ. A perfect marriage is not built on external factors such as beauty, tribe, wealth, status, etc., but more on the internal factors and qualitative qualities/characteristics of individuals. This means that a women is never to old to attract a marriage partner as her inner qualities far outweigh her external and physical attributes. "What I find extremely fascinating is that the Arabs consider themselves a superior race, even to Western nations. In my humble opinion, the reason for this is driven by the mass media. In many instances, like in Africa, it is a disgrace to marry a regional person outside of your tribe, but the celebrations start when a person marries from the West. What needs to happen to change this situation is education and a proper understanding as to what makes a person or nation/tribe superior in the context of people in an holistic manner. This is where the media, like your efforts through your articles, play a vital and pivotal educational role in changing our societies.” – Dr. Khaled Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at: [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @Kbatarfi
