GHAMDI Women have been put in the spotlight as victims for a long time. They have been successful attention grabbers whether used in the media as a publicity stunt or in the form of a women's rights message. I have always been supportive when it comes to encouraging women regarding social movements, standing up against degrading actions targeted at women or any act of discrimination against women. However, I have begun to despise this reinforcement of self-victimization. Nowadays in many commercials whether on Arabic or worldwide television channels, women have become a commodity. Women are presented in many advertisements/commercials to persuade consumers to tune in and buy products. In most cases women do not make up the main sales demographic of such products. Many people consider these ads offensive as they display women as objects of desire. I find it more offensive to deny women's free will and simply say that they are victims of publicity. When it comes to the media, it is constantly presenting women as victims and men as offenders. That programs women subconsciously into being defensive and sometimes aggressive, while men become offensive. In the middle of this storm of controversy, I like to stop to readjust my perspective to focus on men for a minute. If a man were the subject of physical abuse by a woman, I highly doubt that society would take it seriously. In fact people would think he was weak and some might laugh even if the assault was severe, because he is a man and it is expected of him to tolerate a woman. While it is rare for women to physically abuse men, I do think they tend to abuse verbally more than men. However, society would not consider it as abuse because double standards do exist. For example, if a man was a victim of verbal abuse by a woman, the response would be different. Her abuse would be considered a minor manipulation or altercation or we would simply list the emotional reasons that grant her the right to lash out. Some people might even go to the extent of assuming that the man did something to deserve it. The media is focused on how the world views women, and I find that degrading itself because the constant emphasis on women being victims only weakens them. I think the reason behind it is the fear of repeating ancient history and of how women long ago were victims. The focus has mainly been on women but never on men. For example, if a man wants to marry a woman for her beauty, people would say he is shallow and that it is considered to be a humiliation for her, but if a woman wants to marry a man for his money, no one would hold it against her for using him as an ATM machine. In our society they raise children based on gender and double standards. Even though inequality between men and women is a reality, focusing on that concept is destructive to both genders. Boys are taught not to cry or display any emotional weakness forgetting the fact that they are children before anything else. On the other hand, girls are taught to be ladylike and that they are weaker than boys. While girls tend to break out from that cycle of discrimination and become strong, boys never do. Some boys grow up to be strong, others grow up thinking that any damage from a woman against a man is harmless while he continues to withstand the pressure of being a man. Women are not victims of discrimination, they are victims of generalization, and if some women are victims of men then it is a matter of individuality and personality not a matter of gender which makes them victims of their own submissiveness. — Esraa Al-Ghamdi is a Saudi poet. She can be reached at [email protected] __
