– Young Saudi women often find themselves trying to balance the expectations of society and family while seeking greater autonomy in all aspects of their lives. Under intense scrutiny by society and pressure to abide by social customs and traditions, many women say freedom remains an illusion until they are able to get married. However, with marriage comes great responsibility and women are often left with two options: Do what they want without the family's knowledge or seek marriage as a means of achieving freedom. Twenty-year-old Noor Ahmad said she is under a lot of restrictions and is prevented from buying certain types of clothes or even going on vacations with friends. Everything, she is told, must be postponed until she meets her future husband. To cope, Noor says she tries to preoccupy herself with her work as an interior designer. “My mother rejects many matters that do not require having a husband. Examples include going to cafés or restaurants or cutting my hair short or even dyeing them. I'm not allowed to wear shorts or clothes that show a little bit of my femininity and maturity. She refuses to hear my suggestions or opinions on traveling abroad. Sometimes I'll share with her, just for the sake of conversation, my dreams of traveling to an exotic island and she immediately replies ‘With your husband! When you get married, travel with him! When you get married, buy the clothes that you like!' Everything for me is postponed until I get married. I keep myself busy with my interior designing job; it keeps me busy throughout the day and provides some source of recreation,” said Ahmad. Nowf Salim, 19, has adopted another way of doing things. She does and enjoys everything that her family prevents her from doing without their knowledge. Salim says there is a double standard in society: Girls are prevented from doing everything and guys have carte blanche to do anything. “I'm not convinced that what I'm prevented from doing is wrong in the first place. My mother does not allow me to buy short clothes despite the fact that I only wear them in front of friends who are all girls of my age. I don't arouse anyone's desires when I wear them nor do I wear them and appear before my father or my brothers. I believe this is a personal choice. Girls are deprived of everything in this society while there are no restrictions on guys. My mother prevents me even from going out to restaurants with my close female friends and I'm not even allowed to go to parties they hold in their homes. Whenever I ask her the reason behind all these restrictions, I get a short reply: ‘When you get married!'” “Due to these reasons, I do whatever I feel is my right without their knowledge, as I can't impose it on them. I wear the clothes I like and go out with my female friends. Before returning home, I change my clothes,” added Salim. Twenty-one-year-old Riham Abdullah's life was also postponed until marriage and as a result of the restrictions she faced in her daily life, she gave her consent to marriage at the age of 18. However, this caused her more problems, burdened with the responsibilities of running a home at such a young age, Abdullah said marriage did not satisfy her wish to live a simple, carefree life. “I divide my time between studying, being a mother to my daughter and wife. Marriage is the biggest shackle and not the door to freedom. I do not consider myself happy and if the arms of the clock could be reversed, I would have refused marriage,” said Abdullah. Nadia Nussair, a social worker, says it is only natural that young women want to experiment with different hairstyles, makeup and fashion. Nussair says the restrictions that some families place on their daughters is due to the split in mentalities of the older and younger generations. “Families, fearing criticism from society, hold tightly to customs and traditions and this does not go down well with the younger generation who are being brought up in a more open, free-thinking atmosphere. As a result, one sees many families refusing matters that are perfectly normal for a 13-year-old girl,” she said. Nussair said unreasonable restrictions on girls lead to bigger social problems that are the biggest reasons for moral deviation. She said families should be more supportive and understanding. “If a girl feels she is being unreasonably prevented from doing something, she might seek to satisfy all of her desires without her family's knowledge and this might lead her to commit mistakes and all that is forbidden whether halal or haram. Or she might accept the first man who asks for her hand in marriage without initially weighing its pros and cons. Parents need to be supportive and understand that the importance of giving girls some space.” __
