Saudi Gazette Adolescence is a very sensitive stage, especially for girls, and this is the time when they face an acute need for love, compassion, and understanding. They experience several physical and emotional changes and need a lot of support. Home is the place where young girls should feel most comfortable, at ease, and loved. Unfortunately, when they do not find warm feelings at home and are unable to satiate their hunger for companionship and acceptance with family members, they start seeking comfort with friends outside home. Dr. Mater Bin Awad Al-Firaidi, a psychiatrist, reveals some common mistakes mothers make that may drive their daughters away from them, and offers ways to foster mutually rewarding family relationships. Open Dialogue “One reason why girls look for relationships outside home is that there is no open dialogue or calm and meaningful conversations in the family. When the role of the family is strict supervision, enforcing rules, highlighting faults, and giving orders, the teenage girl will search for someone who will understand and appreciate her,” said Dr. Al-Firaidi. He added that every mother must befriend her daughter, give her lots of love, support, and care and refrain from harsh criticism and constant complaints. “Chatting freely with your girl at this age will go a long way in cementing a strong and pleasant mother-daughter relationship,” he said. Advice Without Admonishment Teenagers are always in need of their parents' constant guidance and advice. However, the way parents approach them influences whether the children will be receptive to their parents' words or not. Usually yelling or non-negotiable mandates do not work too well on teens. “Mistakes should be dealt with calmly. When you refuse your daughter's requests, take the time to logically explain your reasons and rationale behind your decisions. Don't wait for a problem to arise to teach your daughter. On a daily basis, gently remind her of the morals and values that Islam advocates,” explained Dr. Al-Firaidi. Mutual Understanding Suzanne Al-Meshharawi, a counselor at Umm Al-Qura University, explained that girls in their adolescent years are in grave need of a shoulder to cry on, a hug, and someone to listen to them, without judging right away. Suzanne fears that many women do not spend enough time with their daughters. Suzanne pointed out that the most common woes that she hears from female students are ‘My mother is always irritable and I am afraid to be honest and frank with her', or ‘I feel a huge distance between my mother and I. She doesn't even listen to what I have to say or try to get closer to me' or even worse ‘My friend understands me better than my mother.' According to Suzanne, “Deep friendships between mother and daughter can be built by mutual understanding, unconditional love, respect, listening without interruptions, setting quality time for your adolescent daughter, giving an occasional gift, and showing a genuine interest in getting to know her better.” Suzanne advises mothers to look for the positive and not just the negative. For instance if she dressed beautifully, spoke respectfully, or studied well; let her know that you are proud of her. Many mothers themselves were brought up without hearing any vocal praise or sweet words such ‘habibiti' (my love). Parents must avoid repeating the same patterns and be very generous when it comes to expressing love towards their children. __
