The rule in dealing with the government, any government, is that there is no rule. A man may call his wife the government, and sometimes the Ministry of Interior, because he can never change her despite all her flaws. The government then, like the spouse, is supposed to take care of our interests, or our feelings, so that we can succeed, but instead, it does everything to prevent us from succeeding. Of course, I am talking about the Swiss government, and not any Arab government that is dedicated to serving and pleasing citizens. This may explain why 90 percent of the Swiss oppose their government, while the remaining ten percent have acquired foreign passports, especially Arab passports including Libyan and of other nationalities. Following the same logic, I say that after having managed – through this column – to solve the Palestinian cause, and overcome hunger, ignorance and disease in the Arab world, I decided to try to help Western governments to solve their problems and give their peoples a share of the democracy that we enjoy in our countries… My idea today is inspired by something American. The Immigration Service card which visitors must fill before being allowed to enter the United States includes questions that I will summarize here without departing from the original. The visitors are asked: -Do you have a communicable disease, or mental disorder? - Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offence or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance, or criminal activities? -Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage, or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany? -Are you seeking to work in the U.S; or have you even been excluded and deported; or been previously removed from the United States; or procured or attempted to procure a visa or entry into the U.S by fraud or misrepresentation? - Have you ever detained, retained or withheld custody of a child from a U.S. citizen granted custody of the child? I do not remember reading anything like this on the entry card to any other country in the world. If the above seems strange, it is probably because it was intended for legal purposes, so that if a criminal who committed any of the above entered the country, he could not claim that he was not aware or was not asked about it. However, the entire law defies logic in the last two lines which are: “Important: if you answered yes to any of the above, please contact the American Embassy before you travel to the U.S since you may be refused admission into the United States.” How does a traveller contact the embassy while on a plane? The card that contains the questions is usually given to passengers on the plane or after they complete travel formalities at the airport. I cannot imagine that a passenger would read this card as he is carrying his hand luggage and laptop, on his way to the local immigration officers and security check before entering the travel gate. This is all without mentioning that the criminal who traffics drugs or engages in genocide would never admit his crime, while the mentally ill passenger is probably the only one in the world who does not know he is crazy. And yet, the United States is the world's most powerful nation, with great wisdom as we see in its dealings with Israel and the hostility towards 1.2 billion Muslims in return for supporting five million European immigrants in Palestine. Since it is so, there must be some hidden wisdom in the visitors' questionnaire that a third world journalist with limited knowledge like me must have missed. Therefore, I propose a questionnaire for visitors traveling to other countries, similar to the American questionnaire. I choose Britain as an example. While all my close family relatives, including siblings and children, are U.S citizens, I am a British citizen. We all also have the original Lebanese passport. My proposed questionnaire includes: - Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If the answer is yes, explain, and if the answer is no, give reasons. Answer: No, because I haven't been caught yet. - What is your favorite English football team? - Are you coming to Britain to steal or murder or live at the expense of welfare benefits? - Do you want to marry a British woman who weighs one hundred kilogram so that we cannot deport you from the country? - Do you play Snooker? - Between us, is this your real name? - Do you want to contribute something to the customs and immigration officers at the airport in London? - Are you trying to join the union representing the employees of British Airways? - Do you have a reservation in a hotel or waiting for us to provide you with accommodation in the nearest hotel to the airport with one hundred pounds a week ... Until you find a short-sighted citizen who would accept you as a husband? - What is your favorite food? Do you refuse to eat meat because of the mad cow disease here? - Can you prove in court that you did not support the German team in the last World Cup? I came up with many questions so that each country would choose what suits it best, and I do not think that my questionnaire is stranger than the American one, and perhaps there is a hidden advantage to mine. I wanted to also add: Do you practice the freedom of speech, and do you know that it does not include the right to criticize Israel? However, I decided that everyone knows this so there is no need for it.
