I'm not too enthusiastic about the performance of the President of the Republic General Michel Sleiman. Nothing makes me want to defend him. His mandate is initially flawed by its difficult birth conditions. It hangs between the Taef and the Doha agreements. Neither did the former fully surrender nor did the latter curb its appetite. It is a mandate that hangs between two generals: Sleiman cannot be Michel Aoun. He lacks two wars, the ability to attract crowds, and a definite talent in leading at crossroads. He cannot be Emile Lahoud either – an early decisive choice and flawless swimming. My follow-up of the stories in Latin America and the banana Republics has led me to conclusions. A General in Lebanon must not become President. A President who is a General is neither a President nor a General. I almost hate the visionary and honest Fouad Chehab because he opened the doors to competition. Every time a Lebanese General is compared to General de Gaulle, I can almost hear the French General wail in his grave. He wails and asks the suspect about the prestige, the aura, and the World War he lacks. I will not humor my pessimistic friend. He says that Lebanon has a clear fate: a Republic without a President, or a President without a Republic. He suggests a reprehensible solution based on cutting off the Republic's head. He demands the national dialogue committee to issue such a decision in its coming meeting. Talk about a defensive strategy can be postponed. It can be left to our grandchildren or their grandchildren. There is no need to hurry. The friend calls for declaring Lebanon a mere municipality and for its officials to be concerned with nothing but the comfort of tourists. He says that this solution will save it from embarrassment in the Security Council and from replying to invitations to participate in the Arab Summit. He sees in the solution an interest for the sects that are crowded in a narrow strip. He sees in it an opportunity for the Maronite sect that currently pays a high price for the President's wish to be strong and pays a high price for his being weak or being deemed weak. Moreover, eliminating the Presidency could be an opportunity to witness the return of concord among its poles – a concord that is wanted and required. The friend also considers that eliminating the Presidency would save the country from constant tensions. The President no longer has the right to choose his shirts or ties. He has no right to choose the meal he is going to eat or welcome all the visitors asking to meet him. He has no right to smile if the US Ambassador is courteous with him. What should we do with the palace if the Presidency is eliminated? The friend suggests turning it into a place of entertainment for citizens, such as a permanent place for fashion shows and wedding organization. Should entertainment be considered a provocation, then the palace could be transformed into a place for burying the dead and organizing proper farewells for those who leave this fleeting Republic. I do not like to be pessimistic. There are better and more effective solutions. A President could be imported from Japan, for instance. It is a remote and consensual country. He would be a robot President who could be planted in the palace after being programmed. Hence he would be able to control the movements of the Presidency and the President, and predetermine what he will say to the Secretary General of the Arab League, an American visitor, or a visitor from March 8 or March 14. The development of programming sciences would avoid the President and the country both statements and mishaps. How delightful it would be for the Lebanese miracle to labor in choosing a robot President. Imagine the stupor of the persons present at any Arab summit or a broader one if Lebanon was represented in it in this manner. It would be a tribute to the maturity of the Lebanese political class and its awareness of its responsibilities, not to mention the pioneer role of Lebanon in importing technology and benefiting from it. An agreement could be made with the Japanese company on the periodic maintenance schedule, and on a review of programming in light of regional and international events and changes in the balances of forces.
