When were you last in a situation that left you hanging on to your nerves with a final straw? How did you feel? How did you respond? What would have been a better way to respond? Slamming your hand down on the steering wheel to blow the horn of your car when stuck in traffic, yelling at your three-year old for spilling milk and causing her lips to quiver and eyes to fill up with tears, or lashing the words ‘incompetent' and ‘slow' to your trainee at work for not meeting your expectations, are all caused by one emotion: anger. Getting angry is bad for your health; it triggers the release of stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol which increase heart rate, blood pressure, respiration rate, and body temperature. That explains the red face and steaming ears! Health problems related to unmanaged anger include frequent headaches, digestion problems, insomnia, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, skin problems, and even heart attack and stroke. Uncontrolled anger can also mar your relationship with the people around you. Angering quickly may be a sign of weak faith and is a quality that is looked down on in Islam and other religions. In his book, Purification of the Heart, Imam Mawlud describes anger as a ‘swelling ocean'. He refers to anger as a swelling mass of emotion that is difficult to hold back once it is unleashed. A man asked Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), “Give me advice.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Do not become angry.” The man asked again and the Prophet (peace be upon him) repeated the same advice. The man asked for a third time, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said again, “Do not become angry.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari) The prohibition here is not on anger itself because it is a natural, human emotion. The admonition is on losing control of one's anger, which can turn into a fiery rage and lead one to harm others, either verbally or physically. It is this side of anger which we must train ourselves to restrain. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was seen to anger, but he never lost his composure; his temperament was always calm and moderate. The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised, “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Imam Ahmad, Al-Musnad) Never speak when you are angry. Scholars have likened words spoken in anger to arrows. A cruel word once spoken is like an arrow. Once the arrow is flung, it is too late; it can never be retrieved and it can pierce someone's heart. You will regret it later and it may take days or months or years for the person to forget the pain your words may have caused. The Prophet (peace be upon him) recognized the overriding power that anger may have on a person; he said, “The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling physically); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.” (Imam Ahmad) When the Prophet's tribe mocked him, insulted him, and persecuted him, he did not become angry or return their insults. His feet were bleeding from the stones that children had pelt at him, and all he did was raise his hands to the sky and say, “Oh my Lord, guide my people along the true path as they are ignorant of the truth.” Having a short temper and a tendency to anger quickly may seem like an inborn temperament that is difficult to change, but there is treatment for this teeming anger. Surely, it takes effort, time, and training but it is possible. Follow these anger management tips that will definitely help keep your anger in check, and help you become a stronger, more considerate, composed, and likeable person. Remind yourself of the extensive praise associated with patience and forbearance. Just let things go. Do not allow insults from someone or a bad day to penetrate and manipulate your emotions. Accepting the will of God, humility, and forbearance, are all praised in the Quran, in poetry, and by all sages in every religion. Be aware of the tremendous rewards gained (socially, emotionally, and spiritually) when you control your anger. In a heated discussion, try not to talk back hastily. Pause before you respond and count to ten, and then speak. When angry, seek refuge from evil and from satan; this will help you keep your cool. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “If a man gets angry and says ‘I seek refuge with Allah', his anger will go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami Al-Sagheer) Try the Prophet's advice; if you get angry while standing, sit down. If you are sitting, then recline; changing your body position will help. When you are angry, perform the ritual cleansing, wudu, or at least wash your face with cold water. The act of splashing water on the face can alter a person's mood. Take three deep, relaxing breaths and repeat as necessary until you feel more peaceful. Make a prayer; only by the movement of your lips but from your heart within. This is a beautiful prayer that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to say, “O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding trials. O Allah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.”
