DRIVING in Jeddah is no laughing matter. We have to be constantly alert behind the wheel, completely defensive, prepared for anything to come at us from any direction at any time, and constantly on the lookout for warning signals. Furthermore, we have to be good psychologists and attempt to understand the complex mental calculations of the gentlemen (and one day, no doubt, the ladies) driving the other vehicles. What, for example, in any given circumstance are they likely to do? This is a task which seems to become more difficult everyday and requires factoring in such data as: the time of day (Is it just before or after prayers?); the month (Is it Ramadan and if so, how many hours to Iftar?); and the time of year (Is it the summer and the temperature in the mid to high 40s?) The sophisticated nature of the calculations we are required to make and the amount of data to be processed are possibly equivalent to NASA engineering the Mars Lander to alight within a meter or two of a chosen spot on the Martian North Pole. And while we rapidly make these intricate calculations, we cannot allow ourselves to fall into the trap of being deceived by appearances. We all have heard of the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome which explains how on any given street in Jeddah a modest, mild mannered, milquetoast can morph into a raving, bloodthirsty lunatic behind the wheel. Sometimes our analysis is made easier because the car itself is a dead giveaway as to how well balanced the personality of the driver may or may not be. When we see a fire engine red two seat sports car with a bright yellow racing stripe, and short emphatic statements of various degrees of politeness stenciled on the back with a sound system generously providing musical entertainment to everyone in a radius of half a kilometer, well, we should know what we are dealing with. We have been warned. And like all warnings (“Beware of the Dog”, “Danger High Voltage”) we are grateful that someone has taken the time and trouble to warn us to keep away. However, unfortunately, there are also more difficult cases – unostentatious sedans driven by sedate, well-dressed gentlemen and often containing family members. Nothing untoward here, we might think. And that is where often we could be wrong, and should not be surprised when that particular Mr. Hyde right in front of our eyes performs some feat of automotive daring that would strike fear into the most stout hearted Formula One racecar driver. Perhaps, in defense of such drivers, we should examine some of the mitigating circumstances. A cursory glance at some of these vehicles indicates that they contain a hub of activity, and that what is going on inside the car or SUV is of far greater concern to the driver than the traffic outside. Seatbelts have long been an established requirement for drivers and occupants of the front passenger's seat. Yet, in some cars, you see a multitude of children of all ages climbing over the front seat, the backseat, halfway out the window, standing up through the hatch in the roof, and even proudly sitting in the driver's lap with hands on the steering wheel. Food is being passed hither and yon, babies' diapers are being changed, and children's demands are being attended to. It is truly a festive atmosphere, and indeed after certain football games, flags of often enormous size are held out the window to flutter in the breeze. Everyone is clearly having a wonderful time – a celebration of spontaneous human joy and happiness on wheels. However, though one hates to be the cause of rain on any parade, one can't help wondering what effect all of this has on the driver. Does it make Mr. Hyde a milder and more reasonable man? Or does it in fact cloud his perceptive abilities, and encourage him, for example, to engage in a bit of aggressive daredevil lane changing, dashing at high speed into an empty space between two cars, when he really should have waited? We all know that on an airplane, no matter how much fun the passengers may be having, they are not allowed to enter the pilot's cabin uninvited and bring their children to crawl over the controls and sit in his lap. And I doubt that any of you would fly on an airline that allowed such passenger behavior. So the next time you see the pilot of the vehicle in front of you in a similar situation, remember: You have been warned. Really, You have to laugh. __
