A psychologist and founder of a social center that treats abused children through art and play, Sana Al-Hwiely, warns of the increasing problem of child abuse in the Kingdom. Al-Hwiely mentioned the recent data released by the Directorate of Social Affairs revealed that 45 percent of children in Saudi Arabia are exposed to either one or several forms of abuse: verbal, psychological, or physical. “This alarming report is a loud call for immediate action to all members of society to stop the violence perpetrated against children. A wide ranged awareness campaign should be launched to educate the public about this problem and how it can be prevented and resolved, with the collaboration of all segments of society. The cooperation of the Ministry of Education is essential to uncover cases of child abuse that may occur in the school or the home in order to stop it in its tracks,” said Al-Hwiely.
The National Family Safety Program was created under the auspice of the National Guard Health Affairs to establish a safe and cooperative environment that combats domestic violence while respecting the privacy of the family. Victims of child abuse and neglect receive adequate medical and psychological care and social assistance. The number of child abuse cases in the Kingdom registered by the NFSP for the year 2011 was more than 500, which almost doubled from the previous year's number of 292. What is more disturbing is that the number is most probably far greater because many cases go unreported due to fear, feelings of shame and self-blame, shyness, lack of awareness of their rights, and for the plain reason that many women and children do not even know where and how to seek help. Mistreatment and negligence stem from lack of education, incorrect child rearing practices that may have been passed down from previous generations, and psychological imbalances on the part of the mother or father, and poor communication in the home. Some parents are at a loss when it comes to dealing with an uncooperative and unruly child, and unfortunately parents often resort to physical punishment. “Some children are just easy going, willing to comply, and bright and cheery by nature. Other children are of a moody temperament, are defiant, and so are more difficult to deal with. The parent must identify these telling signs that may mean that the child needs special attention: hyperactivity, delayed speech, routinely disobeying orders, stubbornness, excessive attachment to a favorite object or toy, and he/she may lack the sense of time. This child may yell, say nasty words, throw things, or act out a full blown temper tantrum just to win the attention of a distracted parent or family member. The child is hungry for attention and will do almost anything to attract his mother. These children need an extra dose of patience, tolerance, and love,” said Al-Hwiely. She offered practical advice on how to raise a more cooperative and happier child. Parents commonly make the mistake of responding to an aggressive child with aggression and violence. Negative behavior in the moody child can in fact be sharply reduced if the parent avoids comparing him to his brother or sister because this bad habit leads to jealousy and sibling rivalry. As a disciplinary method, instead of physical punishment, the parent should withdraw certain privileges, such as the amount of time allocated for watching TV or playing computer games. Both parents must agree on and stick to the same decisions and rules. If mom says no to watching the scary movie but dad allows it, the mother loses authority in the eyes of the child and he learns that her rules can be broken, so he will repeatedly disobey her. The best and non-invasive trick that parents can use to encourage desirable behavior in children is positive reinforcement and rewards. When your child behaves well, notice her and be sure to let her know that you noticed. Praise your son, hug him, or give him a simple prize when you notice that he said ‘please' or when he finishes a page of homework or when he puts his toys away. As for the curious child who asks 27 questions per minute, is never satisfied with a simple answer, and is very insightful to everything around him, that is a sign of creativity, giftedness, and high intelligence. Although this young scientist may at times frustrate and irritate a busy mother, she should try her best to answer his questions, engage him in conversation, and play word games with him. Constantly ignoring the curious child, frowning on his never ending questions, and quieting him may stunt his creativity and dampen his love for learning. “I cannot stress enough the benefits of communication, dialogue, and the open expression of love within the family. The mother should continuously listen and talk to the child. It is important to let your child know that it is the wrong behavior which you dislike; not the child,” said Al-Hwiely. For example, you could say, “I am not mad at you; I am upset that you pulled the cat's tail. You are a good person but that was bad behavior. “To calm and soothe an agitated girl put your hands on her shoulders and for a little boy, tightly wrap your arms around his waist. Never limit the amount of hugs, love, kindness, and tenderness you give your child,” added Al-Hwiely. Our teacher and role model, the Prophet Muhammad, said, “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness, and He rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness, and He does not reward anything else like it.” Physical abuse, constantly criticizing and belittling a child, and negligence can have far reaching ramifications and can lead to aggressive behavior, damaging other people's belongings, low self-esteem, depression, social withdrawal, anxiety, insomnia, and even running away and violence.
